POP QUIZ: If you were a person serving as the unpaid lawyer to the most criminal president in American history, AND you were also under federal investigation and just had to retain defense lawyers because of your extracurricular activities in pressuring foreign countries to meddle in the 2020 election campaign for the benefit of that president, AND your Ukrainian-American Chucklefuck pals who were part of that scheme were under indictment and living in Ankle Bracelet Jail, AND you had a well-known propensity for accidentally confessing your crimes and your president’s crimes whenever you go on TV or when your ass texts a reporter or when your fingers text a reporter or when your ass calls a reporter or when your mouth calls a reporter, ON A SCALE OF ONE TO “LOL OH MY GOD NO” …